One thing I know for sure: I have to hit bottom before I can make progress.
I’ve been in a serious depression these last two months. It would be very easy for me to remunerate (and thus focus) on all the black moods, the deep paralyzing lethargy, and the absolute shit motivation. But why narrow my vision on all that ugliness? I’ve been doing that for over 60 days now.
Instead I’m taking the tack that those were not necessarily stumbling blocks but rumble strips. Signs that I was on the wrong track. I believe this concept is via Danielle LaPorte but I cannot find the exact citation. If I’m incorrect, please let me know so I can update.
So rather than drone on and on about all the mistakes and poor choices I’ve made, I’m going to celebrate what I’ve accomplished:
- I’ve got some art up on the walls!
- My frig is full of lovely lean meats and deliciously fresh veggies!
- I have a clean, safe space to work out!
- I have a comfortable new sofa!
- I have a new-to-me washer & dryer!
- I have very little dirty laundry!
- I am sleeping really well!
- I made a new friend!
- I have some awesome folks in my life!
- I have some amazing tools and resources!
- I am ok financially!
- I’ve got some cool ideas!
- I make gorgeous art!
Today the Universe gave me a couple of gifts:
- A very timely post by Adam Farrah of Practical Paleolithic: You Can’t Start Earlier Than NOW… in which Adam is very open and honest about his work in the past to clean the slate so he can focus, start fresh again, and his frustrations in doing so. This is exactly what I’m feeling right now. I’m having to take a backward step in my career and in my health. The reality is what is needed to get myself focused and achieve my goals. “That’s the downside of spending a few years primarily putting out fires and cleaning up messes. No matter how positive REMOVING those things from your life can be, the end result when they’re gone is a blank slate. A blank slate at best. Back to zero. I worked hard. And now, I get to start working hard. Fuck.“
- This paired with an episode of ‘Super Soul Sunday‘. Yeah, the Oprah show – shut up! The guest was Dr Brene Brown, who has written “Daring Greatly“. Her idea is that to live fully in the moment we must accept and embrace our vulnerability and imperfections. Not an easy lesson for a self-control perfectionist freak! Some of the concepts are explored HERE. The idea that our Ego is the Hustler is intriguing me. I also want to explore Fitting In versus Belonging. Yeah, I’m adding this book to my “Must Read” list.
Now I’m going to layout my clothes for tomorrow. Set my alarm. Vacuum the living room. Paint a mask. Light some incense. read some books. Goof off on Facebook. Seek inspiration (and naked men) on Tumblr. Allow myself to live in each and every second.