Last weekend I had a wonderful, blissful, fun, relaxing and invigorating weekend camping at PreHeat, a regional Burn. I love being around the creative spirits that are Burners. They are just so damn cool!

I had a lovely pleasant sexual encounter with a very nice gentleman… and he made a compliment that I just cannot quite get out of my brain.

We met one day and chatted briefly. As with most Burns, we were both distracted into different directions and laughingly parted. Much later that evening we crossed paths again. Our energies just meshed and we had a great time in each others company. In the midst of one of those deep intense intimate conversations that lovers seem to only have when we’re recovering from spectacular sex he paid me a compliment.

Now, he’s been very complimentary and flattering this whole night. I felt absolutely safe and comfortable with him. There is no way he could have known what he was saying would affect me so. He had no means of knowing my history and my issues.

So what the hell did he say? Basically he asked me if I was, or had been, a whore because I was so good at sex.

I was so extremely flattered. I was delighted he was enjoying his time with me. This confirmed my previous interest in Sacred Sexuality and Sacred Whores (note the Ianna/Ishtar representation and similar it is to Lilith representation). At the time, I was shocked speechless and thrilled down to my toes.

I come home and reach out to a guy I had been seeing before things got crazy at work. I’m feeling renewed energies and positive about the future. I’m looking forward to getting back on track with my exercise and food. I’ve gained about 10lbs which is causing bad joint and muscle pain but I’m feeling really good about my body. My negative self-talk isn’t as bad as in the past. All in all, I’m pretty damn chipper yes?

Then the guy I’m seeing makes it clear he’s just interested in a physical relationship. Totally understandable as he just got out of a long unhappy marriage. But… damn it. I like him. I want more than just sex. Then I remember the compliment.

I’m now feeling guilty over the pleasure and delight that compliment caused me. I just… I mean… Maybe… I dunno. Does this mean I’m not good enough for a Relationship? I’m not worthy of romantic love? That no one will ever see me as being of value or a positive in their life?

Damn it. I don’t believe that. I’m pretty fucking spectacular, intelligent, and interesting. I’ll just keep on keeping on and stay open to potential 🙂

4 thoughts on “

  1. Hola! New reader from the GAWB group. I have no idea what “burns” are…I’m intrigued…can you clue me in. AND congrats! I love that you took it as a compliment, because it indeed is awesome to be so keyed into your sexuality and being able to express it!!!

    • Welcome!!! “Burns” are mini events, associated with Burning Man, but much smaller 🙂 Some of them are listed here: http://regionals.burningman.com/

      And you so right about being keyed into one’s sexuality. I have issues with mine – no, I have issues with my perception of other people’s opinions of my sexuality. I tend to work myself up in knots worried that people think badly of me because I have been such an open and sexual woman. It’s something I’m dealing with and this was wonderful juicy reinforcement 🙂

      • I’ve always been rather sexually open. I was luckily raised in a household where it was not taboo to talk about sex. That said…it wasn’t until recently that I have seen so much backlash about being open about sexuality and exploration. It makes me sad a little bit to see the “political climate” for lack of better description change to such a conservative viewpoint where women are having a harder time expressing themselves again. I think the 90s was a fantastic time where it was more open, but I think looking back at history it is cyclical as to how being open about our sexuality is perceived and allowed. I’m gonna enjoy chatting with you Laura!

      • I always considered myself sexually open as well until the last couple of years. Not sure what changed but I became very self-conscious of my sexuality. It was near crippling in my the way I interacted with my partners and potential partners. Obviously, it sucked! I’m slowly coming out of that phase and coming to terms with myself. I have moments where I’m absolutely devastated when someone finds my physically attractive – how fucked up is that??? It’s like I’m emotionally poly but looking for sexual-monogamy. It’s possible this is a side effect of my desire for a primary partner after years of being a secondary. Anywho, I’m trying to enjoy my sexuality when the opportunity presents itself 🙂

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