Today started off with me feeling very sad. No reason, just sad. When I get sad I isolate even more than normal. I was really resistant to even checking today’s Connect 2 Happiness message but… I did.
So I walked outside feeling miserable and disgusted with myself. Everything hurts, physically and emotionally. I don’t want to feel anything for a long time. I kick off my shoes and walk along the old chilly concrete, step gingerly onto the rough uneven but toasty warm stepping stones, then creep my toes into the brown crunchy grass. It was like sticking my toes into a pile of torn paper. The ground itself is soft, alive, and accepting. I stand for a while and enjoy the warm breeze, the nearly clear blue sky, and all the sounds of the neighborhood on a Sunday afternoon.
Damn it. I feel better. Not great, but better. I’m still sad but it’s not overwhelming me as before.