Exhaustion, Love, and Life


Friday I was Insomnia’s Bitch. Exhausted mentally and physically yet completely unable to shut down my brain enough to sleep. I was awake from 6pm Thursday to approximately 5pm Friday. I was so punch drunk I nearly contacted an ex. Yeah, I was that bad off.

Luckily I had deleted his number in my phone. I did sink so low to seek out his profile on a particular social networking site. ::hangs head in shame:: But wait! it gets worse…

I checked out his girl’s profile too…::slouches down a bit further::

And here is where it’s a good news/bad news type of scenario – she had posted some recent pics of the two of them. It was a milestone event in their relationship, and “objects” were exchanged. Not a wedding but I suspect that will be the next step for them.

Good: My immediate reaction was “huh” and “meh”. I was just kinda unphrased by it. I wasn’t as physically attracted to him as I used to be. In fact, rather turned off due to his personality. I realized I’m more enamored with the idea rather than the actual, that I want a relationship with many similarities but not necessarily with him.

Bad: A couple hours later the Evil Mind Monkey woke up and suggested that I wasn’t good enough. Ignoring the fact that I don’t want this guy, I was immediately depressed and miserable… on top of mentally and physically exhausted.

At least that pushed me over the edge, made me sob for about 15 minutes, then collapse into some serious R.E.M. sleep for about 5.5 hours. I should have lifted when I got home from work. I should have done something physically strenuous to allow whatever cathartic release I needed. Lesson learned.


Random 1:  I watched an incredibly interesting show on the Science Channel called “Are You Good or Evil” which discusses the “warrior gene”, MAO-A,  and the “nature vs nuture” debate. Some incredibly interesting ideas thrown about. I was really intrigued by this. I’m still mulling over what I watched.

Random 2:  That whole frozen-bananas-in-the-blender trick? WORKS! delicious yummy ‘ice cream’. A nice substitute for Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey aka crackcream.

Random 3: I never get tired of “Pitch Black”. Mmm Vin Diesel and Claudia Black. Much awesomeness.

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